Bliss

August 28, 1965

“They have arrived, be prepared!” My father announced.

My family welcomed them and I was waiting inside to be called out for meeting his family. They had come to see me for marriage. I was very nervous since theirs was the first family who had come to see me. I did not know how it was going to be. Will they like me? What if they don’t like me? Suddenly my mother came over and put a full stop to my unending questions. She took me to the guest room. I wished them a hello and they granted me a seat. They asked me about my hobbies and aspirations. While interacting, his family confessed a truth about the bridegroom; that he in an accident got his right hand cut off up to his elbow when he was just fifteen. But the accident didn’t deter his spirits and he had learnt writing with his left hand thereafter and now he was a professor in one of the most prestigious institutes of our country.

My family was left in a dilemma. My mother, to be specific, was completely against the marriage; claiming that I deserved to live a happy married life, not to struggle with someone else’s disability. My father left it for me to decide since he was a social worker and therefore he had a soft corner for him.

And as for myself; the moment I heard about his struggle and his determination to stand for himself, I fell in love with that self-made man. I made up my mind and soul to marry him. Those were the days when the Indo-Pak war was going on in our country and I had heard of stories of girls stepping forward to marry the soldiers who had been injured in the war. Taking those girls as an inspiration, I considered my case to be better, since the man I was to marry was a braver man, he did not lose his confidence, and he kept his dreams alive.


I informed my family about my decision. My father was very happy to hear it but he was the only one who supported me. He promised me that he will make this marriage take place, and he will convince my family.

25th February 1966

I got married to him. When I saw him I could see from his face that he was feeling that I was forced to marry him. That was the moment when I decided that I will never let him feel that again. I married him by my own choice and I was not at all repenting my decision. I felt like being blessed to have married him. I decided I will give him so much love that he will forget all the grievances he had from life even though he never showed it. I was and I am devoted to him. He never showed that in some way or the other it was a life-time sorrow for him, but I could see it from his eyes. I knew that I can’t change it but I also knew what I could do with it. The only way to keep him happy and positive was to give him so much love that he will not have enough time to think about all that. I took over all the responsibilities of home, I learnt driving car. I wanted him to do only the thing he loved to do and that was his profession.

15th August 1967

The happiest day of our lives. When our son took birth. We spent our most blissful days during his childhood. Whenever I saw my husband playing around with our son, I used to have the most beautiful feeling I had ever felt, and my love for both of them used to grow more and more. Years passed by and my little baby grew up.

We were living happily when something happened, something tragic. My husband got a sudden attack of paralysis. His complete left side of the body stopped working, he could not even speak properly, and he could not do anything himself. My son was sixteen years old that time. Those were the toughest days of my life but I had my hopes alive that he will recover. What I worried the most was about my son as I could see that he was depressed seeing his father’s condition. I was completely busy with my husband feeding him, and taking him for physical trainings, medications, reviews, regular checkups etceteras; I hardly spared any time with my son during the most crucial days of his life. I observed a remarkable change in my son in those days. He was an average student before but his father’s suffering inspired him to work hard. I used to see him studying all through the night and spending most of his time with himself, being lost in his books.

It took over three years for my husband to recover and in the mean time my son got through the entrance exam of IIT and brought a pride that was immeasurable in our hearts. He completed his courses of studies and presently he is at a key-post at IBM in America.

My son invented a device with the help of which his father could type on computer with just his right elbow. My husband never gave up, he kept on pursuing his passion for teaching using power point presentations; he even wrote a book for the management students which turned out to be included as a course book for the students doing management. He is an inspiration and I must tell you it was his influence which kept my hope and courage alive.

He always says “Take life as it comes, one should never escape” and I can tell from my experience that- “When something wrong happens with you, it is the sign of something good coming your way.”

You see sometimes faith is all what counts in love.


P.S. Another real life story of my Aunt. I admire her a lot.

It Was Love

27th Jan, 2005 (My and my boyfriend’s 3rd anniversary)
"It has been 3 years since we are together, honey. I just want to tell you that I love you and I wish to spend each and every moment of my life with you." I said.

"I love you too baby. I know we will be always together, so don't worry my love." Rohan said.

"I hope so. Well, let’s do something to make this day special..." I said.

Interrupting me, he said “Come on; tell me what you are thinking right now."

"Well you know what; I can do anything for you." I said.

"Can you? Okay, leave what you can; just tell me what you have done for me till now?" He inquired.

"Do I really need to answer it?" I asked.

"Yes, you need to. After all I should be aware about your sacrifices." He said.

"Well, the fact is sacrifices are not meant to be flaunted, if you can't see what I have done for you then there is no point in talking about them and making you realize." I said in an annoyed tone.

"If that is the fact, then I am sorry I cannot see it girl and by the way if you are talking about sacrificing your virginity for me then that does not make a big deal of sacrifice as I can get anyone do that just for a little amount of money." He said in a serious tone.

I was completely out of words at that moment; I did not know how to react. I was shocked, devastated, shattered or any other word you use for the same feeling. I did not even count it as one of my sacrifices. I realized he could never understand me, my feelings. Understanding was not an issue. Respect was what I required. I would have chosen dying rather than being compared to a prostitute.

It was 2:00 a.m. The fight worsened to the worst it could possibly go and I was left behind with my eyes stained with tears. He left the place in a huff as though I had hurt his sacred feelings. I was alone, all alone. I needed someone, someone to comfort me, someone to assure me that everything will turn out to be alright. Consciously, I knew who was that 'someone', he was my best friend. I called him straight away without caring about his sleep or how he was; I just burst into tears in front of him. He was perplexed with my abrupt outburst. Crying, complaining, condemning about the things I was going through, I took over his sleep. He knew what I needed; he comforted me with his heartfelt words and maturity.

Aryan, my best friend since the last eleven years, always supported me without experiencing even an inch of annoyance; he was the one I could always count on, someone I knew who would always be there for me whether it was early morning or half past midnight, someone who could let his universe to be sold for my one simple smile.

Friendship and love are two different essentials of life but this was not the same in my case. I always got everything from Aryan a soul can need for emotional stability let it be love, support, concern, trust, or feeling of security. Though he loved me and I knew it, but it was not the same case with me. I was in love with Rohan, my boyfriend.

Rohan, I could do anything for him, for his happiness, he meant everything to me. When he was in front me, I could not see anybody else. When he was not there, I could not think of anyone else. He was 'the man' I used to dream of. Someone I could die for. Someone I could not see in pain. I wanted to spend my whole life with him, I wanted to take him to a place where he has never been, a place only my heart can describe. Each and every moment spent with him, good or bad, I treasure. Yes, he gave me the happiest days of my life as well as the worst days of my life.


But lately our relationship started struggling. Everyday I had a fight with him on very petty issues, assuring me in some way that we were not meant to be together anymore -that we had lost that spark.

Aryan used to assure me that things will be alright between me and Rohan every time it went wrong.

Feb 2005, one of our daily talks:
Me: "I don't know, there is no spark anymore."
Aryan: "What do you mean? You both were crazy about each other."
Me: "I know, but lately I feel like I love him, but I am not in love with him. What do you think I should do?"
Aryan: "What does this even mean? How can you love him, but still not be in love with him?"
Me: "I don't know why but I feel like he is my mate but we are not made for each other. I know it does not make any sense to say such thing about him after having 3 year long relationship, but I can’t help it, this is the way I feel."
Aryan: "Wait a minute...It totally makes sense. Sometimes it's the physical attraction and initial chemistry that causes the relationship to grow, but as the relationship evolves, you begin to realize that maybe there aren't as many things that connect you as you initially thought, thus, the romantic attraction begins to wane, but in that time, you've grown to love the person. Loving someone and being in love with someone are two totally different things. I can understand it."
Me: "You’re right. The thing that hurts me is that it took me so long to realize that we are not made for each other."
Aryan: "Yes you should have realized it earlier.”
Me: "But I suppose it's hard to figure out when you do love the person and want the best for them. As for now, I know that the spark has completely vanished. And yes, I tried to work on it. But when it's not there, it's not there.”
Aryan: “Don't worry its just a phase you will overcome it after all he is the one you wanted to spend your life with, you should give some time to him as well as to yourself."
Me: “There is something that’s stopping me to be with him; something is convincing me that someone somewhere is waiting for me holding open gates of happiness. Now I am not hoping that things will get better rather I want to get over it. Nowadays I get annoyed with all those things which used to lure me earlier; I am struggling to overcome my depression.”

“You know what Aryan, you have healed my soul but you left it incomplete. I have realized it now. I want to take that last step to complete your incomplete work.”
Aryan: “I am confused Saumya, I cannot understand what you are talking about.”
Me: “Aryan, I am in love with you.”

P.S. I am the happiest person in the whole world. I am married to Aryan, the person I am in love with. And now I know it was love not friendship. The difference between him and Rohan is that I fell in love with Rohan but I uplifted in love with Aryan since Aryan’s love always made me rise.

P.S. Its a real life story of a friend of mine. Thanks to Harsh for editing my work.

Not For You But Because Of You

24th July 2008. On way back to home after four long years, the past was sprouting up in me, and the silence was just so loud. As I entered the airport I was reminded of the day I left India for UK. A lot of cobwebs have settled around me. I had been pushed forward by that invisible tide of time. I was doing my Ph.D in Cambridge University since last 4 years, and for these four years I have thought of home not even once. Yet I have never been able to break those strands of complacency which have coiled around me. Gone are those days and gone are those feelings. The childhood days and the days now. I backed out of my present. And I was reminded of all my awful experiences, my struggle, my constant fighting with my own disabilities, helplessness and fear.

____________________________________

I remember when it all started.It was 12:00 am. I was done with my homework and was waiting for my parents to come and wish me good night as they always did. Suddenly my mother poked in and gave me a good night kiss, I asked her why Daddy did not come ? She said-he was very tired so he went to sleep. She switched off the lights and shut the door. I tried to sleep but I was not used to it. I was wondering how can I sleep without wishing my dad good-night. He can't be so tired that he won't even come to see me once. Out of restlessness I peeped out of the door, I could see light coming from the living room. There I saw my mommy lying on the couch.

I took her hand and asked " whats wrong ? "
"I am sorry honey, I lied to you, your father is not home yet. " She said.
"Then where is he this late night ?"I asked her worriedly.
"I just got a call from our watchman, he is lying drunk on the street." She replied.

My mom's eyes welled with tears and she held me in her arms. I sat beside my mom. Thinking why Dad was lying on the street. Breaking the silence, mommy asked me to stay at home as she was going to bring Daddy back. Before she returned I had fallen asleep.
The other morning Mom did not come to wake me up, what woke me up was my mother's moans and my Daddy's outraged voice. All I could hear was my mom screaming please stop at least for your daughter.

Before this incident took place, I always thought I had the perfect family. We all were living happily. I really did not have a clue what my family was going through until that horrible series of cold war started. How could I have had a clue? I mean, I was only 12 years old. My family never considered me matured enough to be involved in their matter.Although I may not have felt it at that time, but eventually it was something I had to work through - whether I was twelve or twenty.

But later at some point of my childhood, I realized that I had no more a perfect family.Somewhere, I began to feel the effects of our broken home. My parents' disdain for each other was becoming apparent. I felt caught in the middle. It was a constant struggle to duck out of the line of fire. Fighting from their problems as well as my own emotional instability and also my studies. Things went on. My parents tried to subside their issues for my sake, but as much as they both promised me that it will not involve me, it always did.

They always argued over past happenings, you did this-you did that conversation going on every night. I felt betrayed each time they fought, I felt like a loser. No-one was there to hear the silent sobs of my mourning soul. My very soul ached. Most of all, I wanted to know what had I done wrong, can't they see the dread in my eyes, the fear, the hurt, the pain. My family had collapsed before my eyes. We were splintered, shattered. I agonized over it at times. I never thought that I understood my parents, they always seemed so far away from me. I had the most incredible urge to just poke my head in their room and tell them that I loved both of them. But every time I quickly brushed my urge away.

Sooner I got used to it and also I got indifferent to what was going on between them. I got used to go to sleep without getting their goodnight hugs and kisses. Things between them got worsened and I continued to be indifferent. Quite relentlessly, I always tried to drive them away. They too did not care to pay attention to me, as in how was I performing in school, where was I lacking, what were my achievements, what were my failures. They just provided me shelter, fed me and supported me financially.

I gave my twelfth boards and secured 98.9 % . I topped in my state. They didn't care.
I topped in I.Sc. They didn't care.
I topped in B.Sc. They didn't care.
I topped in M.Sc. They didn't care.

I asked them if they can support me for applying for Ph.D from Cambridge University U.K.

______________________________________

And now when I have landed in my country after 4 years, I saw my dad standing tall amidst the crowd, rolling his eyes here and there, mother was not to be seen anywhere in the vicinity. I knew things will never change but I hoped they will change. I went on my knees to touch his feet and to my utter surprise I saw a pair of female legs emerging from right beside my daddy's feet. I immediately looked upward and saw my mother standing right there in front of me with a beautiful smile on her face and watery eyes. I hugged both of them and they said we are very proud of 'our' daughter.

'Our daughter.' The word 'our' was enough to make me realize that finally I have achieved the biggest success of my life. This feeling was something out of this world. I can never explain how happy I was. Oh my god. I never ever had the illusion that they would miraculously fall back in love.


P.S. Its a real life story. A little bit modified. The theme of the story is whatever you achieve or whatever you lose, its because of you, you design your own destiny, you cannot blame the circumstances, you cannot blame your destiny, you cannot blame your parents, you just cannot blame anyone for your failure or your loss, its just because of you. Life is what you make of it.

P.S. I can tell a short story to bring more impact on you. There was a drunkard man who had two sons, one son followed him blindly, learned everything he did, and completely made his life according to his father, the other son had the vision and decided not to adopt any bad habit of his father and make his own life. The life of the first son had become a complete shit, and the other son made his life like heaven having everything good in his life, well qualified, well married, well settled life.

P.S. So what do you choose for yourself, following bad habits and making your life a complete shit or choosing a better life and making it a heaven. The choice is yours. Your destiny is in your hands. :)

Are They Just Friends?

PART - 1

''I will drop you home.'' I said.

''Can we walk?'' said she.

Hands in hands but in silence we were walking down the street. Through these years, after countless meetings, phone calls, and nights spent talking, I have learned to understand her silence. And now, it was hard to accept the fact that she was leaving. I was not sure how I felt about it. Her friendliness, laughter, jokes, and goodness had quickly made her the love of my life. Her being half of my age was itself a proof of our unconditional love. I was wondering how would I do without her; holding her hand more tightly, thinking that I will never let her go, I..........

"After two days we would be away from each other, I can't believe this." Breaking the long pause she said.

I tried to control, still a little sad about the prospect of losing her, I consoled myself thinking that the person who had taught me so much about life and laughter, the person who had helped me grow to be myself, was just going away for a while, to do some growing and learning of her own and that I was not losing her. I was boggled when my selflessness dissolved into tears. She came forward to hug me, and my breath choked and I wrapped her in my arms. There were tears in her eyes, too, and we cried for a while, talking about things we'd done. How we managed to meet every now and then ,how we used to talk late night, how I used to give her her favorite chocolates throwing them through her window, being safe from our parents how we continued our friendship, the times we'd gone out for lunch and walked around talking in the loudest, most obnoxious voices we could and the songs we used to dedicate to each other.

Eventually our tears dried, and we stepped out of our embrace, reasoning that she did 'have two more days left.'

"I think you should leave now." She said.

"Take care." I kissed her forehead and turned around to leave. I looked ahead and found her mother standing right in front of me. But I could not react. I was just standing there blank with no expression of guilt or fear.And her mother stepped towards us. She gave me a 'murderer's' look and passed me by. I looked back at my love. She was standing there looking confident and had that expression of 'I have not done anything wrong, just listen to me once.' But mother could not be convinced. She slapped her, I went forward to explain everything but nevertheless I got the consolation prize, a tight slap on my left cheek. Before I could show my gratitude to her mother for comforting me with her consolation prize. She ragged her inside and asked me to leave. I thought that she will be able to convince her mother as we were innocent and we really did not do anything wrong, as per situation any mother's reaction to be like that was obvious but I believed that she would understand us after hearing the reality.

I was being restless thinking about what would have happened to her. All through these 7 years we did not have any obstacle in our friendship and now when she has to go away from me after only two days. This had to happen to give us all the pain at one single time. I was trying to be positive but every now and then I had that fear of losing her.

I called up her boyfriend the other night. Yes. I said "her boyfriend".You got it right!

We were not a couple, she was my best friend and I loved her more than anybody else. Her boyfriend told me that he talked to her brother and got to know that she left the city that day itself and her mother also left with her, She goes with her everywhere, she does not leave her alone for even a millisecond. She is not allowed to meet even her female friends, because her mother do not want any contact between us through anybody, she thinks that I used her daughter's innocence and played with her feelings. She was very sure that if she did not take this step I would have ditched her daughter and left her alone to suffer.


I asked him if she explained anything about our relation to her mother or not.

He said that she did. But she is not believing her, she is saying that I am not a fool, I can understand it very well, a guy and a girl can never be just friends. And that her mother is very disappointed with her that she broke her trust. And all she wants is to save her daughter from every kind of frustration.

"I can't understand dude how can she break her trust if her mother never had it on her and how can she save her from frustration by frustrating her." I said.

"We can't do anything. I just hope she is fine. We all have to suffer and you know her mother is saving her from sufferings. Don't worry we will soon find out some way." He said.

His little way of saying everything would be okay could not help me any better. I was amazed at his politeness in such a situation. A lump filled my throat, and I could no longer hide my tears. I used to think it was so easy to be strong and be optimistic because I had never before experienced the real reason to cry. I cried myself to sleep.

I didn't know how to cope with not having a part of me. She had become half of my mind. It was scary how empty and lost I felt. I had no energy and could not concentrate. The connection we had and still have is unbreakable, no matter what. To this day, even though she is not here with me. I love her and care about her so much. Not seeing her is really difficult. While she used to be my other half. I am now complete on my own, but all of me still loves her. I want her to know that through any challenges or obstacles, I want to face them together.

PART - 2

Why in some parts of our country there is an immense fear in teenage girls from their parents. When they do wrong the fear is natural but when they are faultless why do they fear to confess the truth. Why is there a fear in her in telling her parents about her close friendship with a boy even when she has no romantic relation with him. This is because of our mentality. Tell me the truth when you see two friends of same gender roaming around, you hardly care to notice them but when you see two friends of opposite gender (hmmm..you would never call them friends I know, you will rather call them a couple or a pair) spending some time together, whats the first thought coming in your mind ???why do you stare at them like that???
You and I both know the answer very well.

A girl and a boy from different families are not obviously gf-bf. They can be just friends or best friends. And the feeling of love in friendship is beyond the limit of love between an official couple. Friendship is actually love, the real selfless and unconditional love. The love is as devoted as the love with your sister, your father, your mother, or your brother.

How many times you have hugged or kissed your brother or father or son?? and for males how many times you have hugged or kissed your sister or mother or daughter?? what if we call it a romantic relationship rather than a devoted relationship, What if society tries to keep you away from your own child just because he is of opposite sex? why is it restrained to love someone with your heart just because you don't have an owned name for that relation and the society gives that relation a name which insults the feeling of LOVE.

If two friends of opposite sex love each other truly, that feeling is beyond the desire of physical attachment.

I have shared my views specially to make the parents of today's teenagers understand them, trust them, and support them, irrelevant to what society says. Try to be a friend rather than being a mother or father, be so loving and understanding that your child doesn't fear in confessing something. And when your child shares something, trust them.

If your child is lying to you, is hiding something from you or doing something wrong.Don't blame them or their friend's circle. The reason is you and your parenting. A child in teenage year is full of enthusiasm and excitement they would definitely follow the trends, your responsibility is to be so close to them that they do tell you without fear before taking any single step no matter if its a big one or a small one. Just love them and do friendship with them and then they will be the best children in your eyes.