It had been a week since I was not sleeping at all at nights. When the whole hostel slept I was always awake thinking about the past, wondering how could I lose at something I loved so dearly, wondering how could HE leave me forever, wondering if actions are bigger than the purity of feelings, wondering why the person I loved the most couldn’t understand me.
It was I who could never sleep instead of the eternal tiredness I had in my eyes. I just wanted to be outside all the time, I never wanted my mates to sleep; I wanted them to have fun with me and never leave me alone even for a second so that I do not cry. I just wanted to reduce the period of time I used to spend in despair. I was afraid of my tears but at nights I had to face them crying myself to sleep.
It was I who could never sleep instead of the eternal tiredness I had in my eyes. I just wanted to be outside all the time, I never wanted my mates to sleep; I wanted them to have fun with me and never leave me alone even for a second so that I do not cry. I just wanted to reduce the period of time I used to spend in despair. I was afraid of my tears but at nights I had to face them crying myself to sleep.
Once I persuaded them to wake up with me and play Truth and Dare. We were playing, laughing endlessly at each other’s answers and dares. As the clock hit 3:00 a.m. two of us slept and I and Rakhi were left awake; neither of us were feeling sleepy but she had a rescue to her insomnia – she got busy on phone with her boyfriend and I got busy with my thoughts and tears. I was yet again feeling lonely, misunderstood and rejected. Missing home. Missing him.
I had sleep in my eyes but I couldn’t sleep. It turned 6:30 in the morning, and I had to leave for college at 8:15, there was no point in sleeping then so I somehow resisted my sleep, went up to the college, attended all the classes and slowly headache crept in me. I just wanted to sleep then. I left college at 3:00 p.m. for my hostel; there were no buses coming and I did not have enough money to take an Auto and I had left my phone at my hostel itself; breakups have such effects! I decided to walk home in the killing heat of Delhi. Because if I had to wait; I would have slept at the bus-stand itself. I was walking and the way was endless. I was badly exhausted while I covered 2 Kms, I had reached South Extension part 2, I just had to walk 1 km more to reach South Extension part 1. But I completely passed out at the entrance of South Extension part 1, I lost my consciousness; but when I opened my eyes I saw myself sitting in a car and there was a man sitting next to me sprinkling water on my face, I was scared to death I just wanted to shout out for help but I was pale enough to do so and he spoke out asking me ‘Are you fine? What exactly happened?’ words couldn’t find a way out of my mouth and in between he said ‘have some water, I will be back in a moment, don’t go anywhere!’ He came back with a chocolate for me. He asked me why did I faint? And if I needed a doctor? I told him I just walked home from my college and perhaps because of the heat I fainted. And he was like 'oh man! Are you mad or what? How could you think of walking in such a weather?' I just stared at him, being restless. And he got quiet and forced me to eat up the chocolate. I was scared of that guy actually but I didn’t have the power to walk home myself. He asked me where do I stay. I directed him to my hostel and when we reached he asked if he should accompany me inside. I told him it is a girl’s hostel and outsiders are not allowed to enter. He asked if I will be fine. I said yes and thanked him with no energy. I walked to my room palely I forgot to lock my room and simply lay down on my bed and cried like hell. I do not know why the hell did I cry; my friends came up to me hearing my cry asking me what the matter is, I told them the whole story and they were scolding me for my stupidity.
And after all that drama, when everybody dispersed I went up to the common room, took a bottle out of the fridge. I was not able to walk. I was feeling drowsy so I asked Rakhi to do me a favor, asked her to get me my lunch and her simple reply was – ‘Ghanta! Mere paas to aur koi kaam hi nahi hai na!’
