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I remember when it all started.It was 12:00 am. I was done with my homework and was waiting for my parents to come and wish me good night as they always did. Suddenly my mother poked in and gave me a good night kiss, I asked her why Daddy did not come ? She said-he was very tired so he went to sleep. She switched off the lights and shut the door. I tried to sleep but I was not used to it. I was wondering how can I sleep without wishing my dad good-night. He can't be so tired that he won't even come to see me once. Out of restlessness I peeped out of the door, I could see light coming from the living room. There I saw my mommy lying on the couch.
I took her hand and asked " whats wrong ? "
"I am sorry honey, I lied to you, your father is not home yet. " She said.
"Then where is he this late night ?"I asked her worriedly.
"I just got a call from our watchman, he is lying drunk on the street." She replied.
My mom's eyes welled with tears and she held me in her arms. I sat beside my mom. Thinking why Dad was lying on the street. Breaking the silence, mommy asked me to stay at home as she was going to bring Daddy back. Before she returned I had fallen asleep.
The other morning Mom did not come to wake me up, what woke me up was my mother's moans and my Daddy's outraged voice. All I could hear was my mom screaming please stop at least for your daughter.
Before this incident took place, I always thought I had the perfect family. We all were living happily. I really did not have a clue what my family was going through until that horrible series of cold war started. How could I have had a clue? I mean, I was only 12 years old. My family never considered me matured enough to be involved in their matter.Although I may not have felt it at that time, but eventually it was something I had to work through - whether I was twelve or twenty.
But later at some point of my childhood, I realized that I had no more a perfect family.Somewhere, I began to feel the effects of our broken home. My parents' disdain for each other was becoming apparent. I felt caught in the middle. It was a constant struggle to duck out of the line of fire. Fighting from their problems as well as my own emotional instability and also my studies. Things went on. My parents tried to subside their issues for my sake, but as much as they both promised me that it will not involve me, it always did.
They always argued over past happenings, you did this-you did that conversation going on every night. I felt betrayed each time they fought, I felt like a loser. No-one was there to hear the silent sobs of my mourning soul. My very soul ached. Most of all, I wanted to know what had I done wrong, can't they see the dread in my eyes, the fear, the hurt, the pain. My family had collapsed before my eyes. We were splintered, shattered. I agonized over it at times. I never thought that I understood my parents, they always seemed so far away from me. I had the most incredible urge to just poke my head in their room and tell them that I loved both of them. But every time I quickly brushed my urge away.
Sooner I got used to it and also I got indifferent to what was going on between them. I got used to go to sleep without getting their goodnight hugs and kisses. Things between them got worsened and I continued to be indifferent. Quite relentlessly, I always tried to drive them away. They too did not care to pay attention to me, as in how was I performing in school, where was I lacking, what were my achievements, what were my failures. They just provided me shelter, fed me and supported me financially.
I gave my twelfth boards and secured 98.9 % . I topped in my state. They didn't care.
I topped in I.Sc. They didn't care.
I topped in B.Sc. They didn't care.
I topped in M.Sc. They didn't care.
I asked them if they can support me for applying for Ph.D from Cambridge University U.K.
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And now when I have landed in my country after 4 years, I saw my dad standing tall amidst the crowd, rolling his eyes here and there, mother was not to be seen anywhere in the vicinity. I knew things will never change but I hoped they will change. I went on my knees to touch his feet and to my utter surprise I saw a pair of female legs emerging from right beside my daddy's feet. I immediately looked upward and saw my mother standing right there in front of me with a beautiful smile on her face and watery eyes. I hugged both of them and they said we are very proud of 'our' daughter.
'Our daughter.' The word 'our' was enough to make me realize that finally I have achieved the biggest success of my life. This feeling was something out of this world. I can never explain how happy I was. Oh my god. I never ever had the illusion that they would miraculously fall back in love.
P.S. Its a real life story. A little bit modified. The theme of the story is whatever you achieve or whatever you lose, its because of you, you design your own destiny, you cannot blame the circumstances, you cannot blame your destiny, you cannot blame your parents, you just cannot blame anyone for your failure or your loss, its just because of you. Life is what you make of it.
P.S. I can tell a short story to bring more impact on you. There was a drunkard man who had two sons, one son followed him blindly, learned everything he did, and completely made his life according to his father, the other son had the vision and decided not to adopt any bad habit of his father and make his own life. The life of the first son had become a complete shit, and the other son made his life like heaven having everything good in his life, well qualified, well married, well settled life.
P.S. So what do you choose for yourself, following bad habits and making your life a complete shit or choosing a better life and making it a heaven. The choice is yours. Your destiny is in your hands. :)
