27th Jan, 2005 (My and my boyfriend’s 3rd anniversary)
"It has been 3 years since we are together, honey. I just want to tell you that I love you and I wish to spend each and every moment of my life with you." I said.
"I love you too baby. I know we will be always together, so don't worry my love." Rohan said.
"I hope so. Well, let’s do something to make this day special..." I said.
Interrupting me, he said “Come on; tell me what you are thinking right now."
"Well you know what; I can do anything for you." I said.
"Can you? Okay, leave what you can; just tell me what you have done for me till now?" He inquired.
"Do I really need to answer it?" I asked.
"Yes, you need to. After all I should be aware about your sacrifices." He said.
"Well, the fact is sacrifices are not meant to be flaunted, if you can't see what I have done for you then there is no point in talking about them and making you realize." I said in an annoyed tone.
"If that is the fact, then I am sorry I cannot see it girl and by the way if you are talking about sacrificing your virginity for me then that does not make a big deal of sacrifice as I can get anyone do that just for a little amount of money." He said in a serious tone.
I was completely out of words at that moment; I did not know how to react. I was shocked, devastated, shattered or any other word you use for the same feeling. I did not even count it as one of my sacrifices. I realized he could never understand me, my feelings. Understanding was not an issue. Respect was what I required. I would have chosen dying rather than being compared to a prostitute.
It was 2:00 a.m. The fight worsened to the worst it could possibly go and I was left behind with my eyes stained with tears. He left the place in a huff as though I had hurt his sacred feelings. I was alone, all alone. I needed someone, someone to comfort me, someone to assure me that everything will turn out to be alright. Consciously, I knew who was that 'someone', he was my best friend. I called him straight away without caring about his sleep or how he was; I just burst into tears in front of him. He was perplexed with my abrupt outburst. Crying, complaining, condemning about the things I was going through, I took over his sleep. He knew what I needed; he comforted me with his heartfelt words and maturity.
Aryan, my best friend since the last eleven years, always supported me without experiencing even an inch of annoyance; he was the one I could always count on, someone I knew who would always be there for me whether it was early morning or half past midnight, someone who could let his universe to be sold for my one simple smile.
Friendship and love are two different essentials of life but this was not the same in my case. I always got everything from Aryan a soul can need for emotional stability let it be love, support, concern, trust, or feeling of security. Though he loved me and I knew it, but it was not the same case with me. I was in love with Rohan, my boyfriend.
Rohan, I could do anything for him, for his happiness, he meant everything to me. When he was in front me, I could not see anybody else. When he was not there, I could not think of anyone else. He was 'the man' I used to dream of. Someone I could die for. Someone I could not see in pain. I wanted to spend my whole life with him, I wanted to take him to a place where he has never been, a place only my heart can describe. Each and every moment spent with him, good or bad, I treasure. Yes, he gave me the happiest days of my life as well as the worst days of my life.
But lately our relationship started struggling. Everyday I had a fight with him on very petty issues, assuring me in some way that we were not meant to be together anymore -that we had lost that spark.
Aryan used to assure me that things will be alright between me and Rohan every time it went wrong.
Feb 2005, one of our daily talks:
Me: "I don't know, there is no spark anymore."
Aryan: "What do you mean? You both were crazy about each other."
Me: "I know, but lately I feel like I love him, but I am not in love with him. What do you think I should do?"
Aryan: "What does this even mean? How can you love him, but still not be in love with him?"
Me: "I don't know why but I feel like he is my mate but we are not made for each other. I know it does not make any sense to say such thing about him after having 3 year long relationship, but I can’t help it, this is the way I feel."
Aryan: "Wait a minute...It totally makes sense. Sometimes it's the physical attraction and initial chemistry that causes the relationship to grow, but as the relationship evolves, you begin to realize that maybe there aren't as many things that connect you as you initially thought, thus, the romantic attraction begins to wane, but in that time, you've grown to love the person. Loving someone and being in love with someone are two totally different things. I can understand it."
Me: "You’re right. The thing that hurts me is that it took me so long to realize that we are not made for each other."
Aryan: "Yes you should have realized it earlier.”
Me: "But I suppose it's hard to figure out when you do love the person and want the best for them. As for now, I know that the spark has completely vanished. And yes, I tried to work on it. But when it's not there, it's not there.”
Aryan: “Don't worry its just a phase you will overcome it after all he is the one you wanted to spend your life with, you should give some time to him as well as to yourself."
Me: “There is something that’s stopping me to be with him; something is convincing me that someone somewhere is waiting for me holding open gates of happiness. Now I am not hoping that things will get better rather I want to get over it. Nowadays I get annoyed with all those things which used to lure me earlier; I am struggling to overcome my depression.”
“You know what Aryan, you have healed my soul but you left it incomplete. I have realized it now. I want to take that last step to complete your incomplete work.”
Aryan: “I am confused Saumya, I cannot understand what you are talking about.”
Me: “Aryan, I am in love with you.”
P.S. I am the happiest person in the whole world. I am married to Aryan, the person I am in love with. And now I know it was love not friendship. The difference between him and Rohan is that I fell in love with Rohan but I uplifted in love with Aryan since Aryan’s love always made me rise.
P.S. Its a real life story of a friend of mine. Thanks to Harsh for editing my work.
"It has been 3 years since we are together, honey. I just want to tell you that I love you and I wish to spend each and every moment of my life with you." I said.
"I love you too baby. I know we will be always together, so don't worry my love." Rohan said.
"I hope so. Well, let’s do something to make this day special..." I said.
Interrupting me, he said “Come on; tell me what you are thinking right now."
"Well you know what; I can do anything for you." I said.
"Can you? Okay, leave what you can; just tell me what you have done for me till now?" He inquired.
"Do I really need to answer it?" I asked.
"Yes, you need to. After all I should be aware about your sacrifices." He said.
"Well, the fact is sacrifices are not meant to be flaunted, if you can't see what I have done for you then there is no point in talking about them and making you realize." I said in an annoyed tone.
"If that is the fact, then I am sorry I cannot see it girl and by the way if you are talking about sacrificing your virginity for me then that does not make a big deal of sacrifice as I can get anyone do that just for a little amount of money." He said in a serious tone.
I was completely out of words at that moment; I did not know how to react. I was shocked, devastated, shattered or any other word you use for the same feeling. I did not even count it as one of my sacrifices. I realized he could never understand me, my feelings. Understanding was not an issue. Respect was what I required. I would have chosen dying rather than being compared to a prostitute.
It was 2:00 a.m. The fight worsened to the worst it could possibly go and I was left behind with my eyes stained with tears. He left the place in a huff as though I had hurt his sacred feelings. I was alone, all alone. I needed someone, someone to comfort me, someone to assure me that everything will turn out to be alright. Consciously, I knew who was that 'someone', he was my best friend. I called him straight away without caring about his sleep or how he was; I just burst into tears in front of him. He was perplexed with my abrupt outburst. Crying, complaining, condemning about the things I was going through, I took over his sleep. He knew what I needed; he comforted me with his heartfelt words and maturity.
Aryan, my best friend since the last eleven years, always supported me without experiencing even an inch of annoyance; he was the one I could always count on, someone I knew who would always be there for me whether it was early morning or half past midnight, someone who could let his universe to be sold for my one simple smile.
Friendship and love are two different essentials of life but this was not the same in my case. I always got everything from Aryan a soul can need for emotional stability let it be love, support, concern, trust, or feeling of security. Though he loved me and I knew it, but it was not the same case with me. I was in love with Rohan, my boyfriend.
Rohan, I could do anything for him, for his happiness, he meant everything to me. When he was in front me, I could not see anybody else. When he was not there, I could not think of anyone else. He was 'the man' I used to dream of. Someone I could die for. Someone I could not see in pain. I wanted to spend my whole life with him, I wanted to take him to a place where he has never been, a place only my heart can describe. Each and every moment spent with him, good or bad, I treasure. Yes, he gave me the happiest days of my life as well as the worst days of my life.
But lately our relationship started struggling. Everyday I had a fight with him on very petty issues, assuring me in some way that we were not meant to be together anymore -that we had lost that spark.
Aryan used to assure me that things will be alright between me and Rohan every time it went wrong.
Feb 2005, one of our daily talks:
Me: "I don't know, there is no spark anymore."
Aryan: "What do you mean? You both were crazy about each other."
Me: "I know, but lately I feel like I love him, but I am not in love with him. What do you think I should do?"
Aryan: "What does this even mean? How can you love him, but still not be in love with him?"
Me: "I don't know why but I feel like he is my mate but we are not made for each other. I know it does not make any sense to say such thing about him after having 3 year long relationship, but I can’t help it, this is the way I feel."
Aryan: "Wait a minute...It totally makes sense. Sometimes it's the physical attraction and initial chemistry that causes the relationship to grow, but as the relationship evolves, you begin to realize that maybe there aren't as many things that connect you as you initially thought, thus, the romantic attraction begins to wane, but in that time, you've grown to love the person. Loving someone and being in love with someone are two totally different things. I can understand it."
Me: "You’re right. The thing that hurts me is that it took me so long to realize that we are not made for each other."
Aryan: "Yes you should have realized it earlier.”
Me: "But I suppose it's hard to figure out when you do love the person and want the best for them. As for now, I know that the spark has completely vanished. And yes, I tried to work on it. But when it's not there, it's not there.”
Aryan: “Don't worry its just a phase you will overcome it after all he is the one you wanted to spend your life with, you should give some time to him as well as to yourself."
Me: “There is something that’s stopping me to be with him; something is convincing me that someone somewhere is waiting for me holding open gates of happiness. Now I am not hoping that things will get better rather I want to get over it. Nowadays I get annoyed with all those things which used to lure me earlier; I am struggling to overcome my depression.”
“You know what Aryan, you have healed my soul but you left it incomplete. I have realized it now. I want to take that last step to complete your incomplete work.”
Aryan: “I am confused Saumya, I cannot understand what you are talking about.”
Me: “Aryan, I am in love with you.”
P.S. I am the happiest person in the whole world. I am married to Aryan, the person I am in love with. And now I know it was love not friendship. The difference between him and Rohan is that I fell in love with Rohan but I uplifted in love with Aryan since Aryan’s love always made me rise.
P.S. Its a real life story of a friend of mine. Thanks to Harsh for editing my work.
quite true.. friendship sometimes becomes the stepping stone to love... n its always great to find a good life partner in a gud friend rather than searching for a gud friend in a life partner..
ReplyDeletequite practical.. thank God, the girl cud realize it early...
Surreal, will be my today's buzz...
ReplyDeleteI see some shades of Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam in the story...
ReplyDelete